Reflections on my life thus far

I can't imagine being 15. It would be awful. Its nice to grow up. But it means there are more opportunities to make mistakes, and embarass yourself and stuff up.There are less limits. And it is finding that fine balance of what boundaries are right for you, and there will be errors along that path. Today I wrote as my status this:We make mistakes, we fail sometimes. We get frustrated and angry and restless with nowhere to go. But LIVE. Forgive. Dance in the streets, watch beautiful films, sing along to gangsta rap music. Grades won't make or break you. God is with you. He loves you. The friendships worth fighting for will last through trials. Dance in the streets :) It is so true. SJC may have a story, but Jesus loves her still. The other day I told some of my story to my friends and they were like Wow. But I was glad I told them, because it was like a testimony. And they could see how far I've come in life. "After the flood, you." Thank you Jesus :) I'm not perfect. I never claimed to be. But I feel I ought to be, sometimes. Man. Academically, this year has been so good! Which is unusual, because I made a decision at the start of the year to not freak about school, or worry about doing well, but to enjoy myself. And I've done better than all the other years! Maybe it's because I only have four subjects. 34 E credits, 3 M credits, and a couple of unit standards. No Achieveds. WOW. I wonder where God will take my writing. I gave him my pen. And it can be hard to surrender us to God, but I know that writing is a talent He's given me, and how AWESOME that he could use me. I wonder how? So far writing has just got me accolades. For me. Like money. Not much money, but a nice amount. But I want God to use whats IN my writing too. I'm so stuck about this summer. Go to Motueka where job situation may be uncertain?Or apply at Splash Planet? But that's like a contract type thing and I don't want to be too tied down. I WANt to go to Motueka. So I will. I WANT to go to Wellington one last time before a year of Auckland. I WANT to see Anna. But thats Australia. I WANT to stay in contact with Shani! I don;t want her to never come back to HB after school is over. I want to be able to stop writing love poetry. Last year I couldn't write one word about love. Now it's all I can. It's alright stuff though. And its not emo or angry, just reflective. And I'VE LEARNT. I'm ME. I'm EIGHTEEN. I have LEARNT SO MUCH in the LAST THREE YEARS. I LIKE IT THAT WAY. I feel so old. I'm getting lines around my eyes, you know. "For the life of me, I cannot remember..what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise.. we were only freshmen.." All a person truly owns is his story. And with all the pretty bits and ugly bits in mine, it is still mine :) I would be lost without God.

Currently Listening To: Chase by Chad Blondel

I am feeling better. This may be due to 2 Paramax tablets 1 women's multivitamin 2 Antibiotics I took for breakfast. Tomorrow is Censor for a Day :) I am aware my only follower is Stuart so I'll do a shout out. Stuart I hope you are there! It's gonna be awesome. Movies for a whole day. For a school trip - okay so the subject is Media, which is sthe study for a film. We get to censor a film! An unreleased film. Church today was cool. But it always is. It's the best church. It's so relaxed - it's all about God's leading and not structure or rules or what we want. In communion Jennine and this other guy sung a song in Maori - it was so beautiful. "Without You my world slips away." Lord of the heavens,King of all days: Without you my world slips away Redeemed by your mercy Consumed by your grace Now I live for you I'm found in the arms of love Your love it has saved my soul I'll run to your arms of love Your life's gonna lead me home

Influenza and Stress.

My throat hurts and I can't talk: it sucks. Well I can, but it's painful, and slow, and awkward. Today I had to walk up two flights of stairs and it took me ages - sore muscles, sore legs. Stupid flu. And I have all this STUFF due. And media is FREAKING me out. The BALL IS ON WEDNESDAY. I LOST MY GLASSES. This means computer screens are frustrating and I can't read much and all of my schoolwork is pretty much on computer so this SUCKS. Oh, and glasses are crazy expensive, and parents are quite poor and the like, so haven't even told Dad. Good news: I made the finalists for the Zonta "Young Woman of Potential" Scholarship. Oh and I made yesterdays local rag. "Young talent to share poetry." Eeeerk yeah, about that. I haven't even figured out what poems I'm reading on Monday night. Liiiife. You hold my every moment. You calm my raging seas. You walk with me through fire, and heal all my disease. I TRUST in YOU. I believe you're my portion. I believe: You're more than enough for me!

Why do you stay?

Other people live in weatherboard houses with greying lace curtains: Lacing State Highways and on the fringes of old meat-works towns.