Just when I think I'm not a romantic.. I watch a love story movie and remember I was made to love and be loved. AWWWWWWWWWWWWW
I'm terrified of losing my mind. I would rather be dead or lose my body than lose my mind.
But if I lost my mind I hope people would still love me!
It is terrifying? perhaps, to think of our bodies deteriorating
minds deteriorating. but what remains? I hope love remains. Love remains.
I'm a human giirrrl/woman. Looove eeehhee.
I think, its the knowledge you are CHOSEN. You are something to someone.
I am a heart. It's this constant dialogue: am I heart or mind? Of course I am both. Humans are both. Some more mind, perhaps, but I have a big fat heart.
awww SHUCKS Sonya Jasmine
I like that while Sonya Clark means 'wise scholar' Jasmine is the love bit in the middle.(sensuality and attachment are its two connotations)
Oh SHUCKS
My whole life is a dialogue. With myself. About myself. About how it ought to be done. My life, that is. About mind and heart and heart and mind and God and Jesus and others and battling to obtain wisdom and selflessness and never feeling like I live up to my own values. Always dissatisfied with what my current state is in line with my values.. I actually stay awake at night looking at my room in frustration with the STUFF I own.And I don't own a lot of stuff. In fact my mother probably stays awake at night worrying about me chucking out all my memories. She has mentioned this, not that she stays awake at night, but that she worries I don't own enough mementos of my life.
I'd actually probably be happiest owning two outfits, a bible, a poetry anthology, and a couple of good letters. I don't chuck letters away. Not proper ones.
**
Today, I was talking to my cousin Hannah, about my responsible/mature/grownup plan for the summer and she was like "That sounds very noble, Sonya, but feel free to let yourself get away from that environment and have fun.. go for a roadtrip.." and I was like, yes. Yes. I hope to end up in Otago somehow, hopefully due to a hitchhiking adventure.
In Year 13 English we had to write a letter to ourselves on the first day and get it back at the end of the year. Of course mine had that stuff like 'Study hard for schol exams, the end result will be worth it' (tick) and 'get top of English' (tick) and "whatever leadership position you get or don't get, I hope you gave it your all, helped a lot of people, and fought for the things you cared about," but it also had stuff like 'don't let your (....) or (...) influence you too much, they are full of opinions, many unqualified," and "Go placidly amidst the noise and haste," and "Be a free spirit. Hitch with Wilbur (TICK! South Island!). Skateboard a little. or a lot (FAIL). Be a young person.(Yeaaah? Year 13 was good)"
I think that shows my life tension. Responsibility vs. free spirit
Get this handwriting under control.(FAIL)
Be assertive.(Still not very good at this)
Give God your whole heart. (Getting there, daily sacrifice, right?)
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR. (Same as above, still human, still wrestling with how this should be done)
Get license. (EPIC FAIL.)
Go to a hippie festival or two.(Yes, if you count summer six. A lot of hairy-armpitted dreaded crochet-pocketed floaty women and marijuana wafting around)
Don't be scared of the future.(I'm not. I'm discovering more about myself each day through formal and informal means and am accepting myself; this helps with that future-acceptance stuff)
Gems from my seventeen-year-old self.
I don't want to place a huge priority on school, but want to do well. An 'almost excellence' I'll be fine with. (Exceeded this. Stoking. Sorted out my priorities, stopped putting my worth in school marks, got Excellence and Outstanding Schol)
Life goes on. I learn, I learn.
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