Note to self.

Do not live alone, in the suburbs, without a car, ever. 


This weekend all my flatmates are away. I am pretty much living alone. Two days. Whatever. But it just gets a bit crazy. Like Luke said: 'There is a quiet happiness that comes from having other people nearby.' When others aren't around I don't eat, just fill myself up on corn chips and snack food (which I never do, otherwise) and sit online and get sore eyes. That's actually my life. How sad. I suppose the thought of boring assignments makes this time alone more depressing. A few months ago I had a weekend alone and drank a bottle of wine over two days and wrote sad stories about alcoholic old women and fell asleep. Perhaps if I lived alone for  a long time I would become an alcoholic. No. But. These things make me wonder.


It's funny, because I really enjoy being alone. Perhaps it depends on the environment, as to whether being alone is constructive or destructive. I enjoy being alone in my room. All night, even. I do find my room an inspiring environment whereas the rest of this house I do not find inspiring. Being alone I can be super energetic and creative and thoughtful. I dance around. I write and read. I paint poems. I plan things. I plan my life. I am ambitious and encouraging (if only to myself) I like solitude. Even for a long period of time. Perhaps it is just destructive this time because I have work to do and so the alone time is always procrastination, which is always bad and destructive. Yes.


I say do not live alone, without a car, in the suburbs, because that is a lot more isolated than living alone in a city. I am a person of extremes. I love solitude and I love crazy packed social times. I hope I get into my planned hostel for next year because I will be able to walk out my door and be in the middle of the city. Wander to Cuba Street and meet up with a friend. Or find some strangers or homeless people to sit with. See?


Maybe it is just in this suburb I feel isolated. The majority of my good friends in Auckland are not accessible by good public transport, and at least a fifteen minute drive away. But I do not drive, see. This is another thing I have been thinking about. I WANT TO DRIVE. On Sunday, my friend Paul gave me a driving lesson in his manual car around the suburb of Waterview. I DROVE A MANUAL IN AUCKLAND. The first time I have driven in suburbia. I enjoyed it, because I really enjoy learning new skills, being practical. Perhaps I am looking towards wholeness, to be some sort of Renaissance man. Woman. That. I am going to grab random driving lessons where I can because I do not really have one consistent teacher I can depend on. So ask a lot of people for a little lesson. 


Conclusions:
1. Days of aloneness without structure involve self-neglect and laziness. Don't live alone because of that.
2. Not having a car increases isolation by a lot so learn to drive.
3. Living in the suburbs, without a good community around you, suck. So don't live alone because of that. Or, rather, live in a good community.


In my lifetime I would like to live in
1. A rural commune. Just for a time. The combination between the opportunity for rural solitude and community everywhere is quite appealing.
2. Flat. Multiple flats. This is kind of a flat but not my ideal. But not too much in suburbia.
3. Lots of other places too.


I suppose my key thought is the importance of friends. I am good at having lots of good friends, in an individual sense. But I think it is important to have a community of friends who care for you and each other. I haven't really been so good at that. Gonna work on that. Note to self, again. That requires commitment to an area. I am writing about that for my essay on Wellington, entitled: 'What I learnt.' 


I love people. I like people. I really really really do. I have been thinking recently about the topic of dating and marriage, which is kind of uncommon for me, but a topic for someplace else.


My fingers have been quite painful lately which worries me because Taylor has tendonosis and can't really type without pain and I DON'T WANT THAT. Poor Taylor. The conclusion of that matter is to type my assignments quick before my computer and fingers die. 


I told my parents about my law enrollment  and of course, like my parents are, they were just like 'oh okay'. I like that about my parents. We have never really talked about education and I like it that way. I couldn't ask for parents less reactant when it comes to my educational decisions. I can't even emulate the conversation on this blog. They didn't even say 'oh okay'. They just.. metaphorically nodded and asked what the degree was called. 


A Bachelor of Laws. Did you know, Mum? 
Oh, that's nice, Sonya. What's the other thing you're doing called? The one with English?
Bachelor of Arts, Mum. Don't worry, I'm not dropping that.
Yes, Arts. If you're in Wellington for five years it means if you met a nice young man you could commit to a long-term relationship. 
Yes, Mum. 
Well, that's nice. 
Yeah, I suppose it is. It'd be nice to be someone's one and only.


I love my Mum.