$3,742.33

From next year, the Student Loan Scheme is changing.

I can ONLY study for SEVEN years before the government will stop loaning me money. Except they might give me one more year for post-grad and up to three for doctorate. Of COURSE this makes perfect sense - there are so many people out there who just borrow borrow borrow and putting a cap makes sense. Seven years is a long time to get one qualification - but this is TOTAL UNDERGRAD STUDY in my LIFE!

ALSO, I have to pass half of this years papers otherwise I can't borrow anymore, unless I pass half of next years with my own money, and then prove to the government I am capable. This also makes sense. Of course I'll pass all my papers. This is a new rule from the government.

All this makes good economic sense! I just hate the thought of capping my learning! I want to learn forever! Obviously, I'll just have to pay for it myself, instead of depending on the government. This means working then  studying then working to raise money for study some more.

I am going to put this number: 3,742.33 in large letters somewhere prominent. Not to burden myself down with the thought of debt, but, a simple reminder that it is REAL debt, REAL money, owed to a real government. Most students I know just treat it as free money. GUESS WHAT? I don't need a loan next year if I save 3,000 this summer. The problem is I know that it is easier to get a loan than to figure all that out. 'Cause that money I could pay my fees with could also come in handy in.. living next year.

If I work hard at uni I might be able to get scholarships for more study. Anyway. Here's hoping. It is good to be sensible, and think about finance from a realistic point of view.

Yesterday I bought a concertina file and filed all my documents under such titles as ID, IRD, Insurance, Health, Housing, Driving, Banking, Financing Study, Tertiary, High School... etc. I felt so grownup, boring(?) and sensible, and wondered if any other eighteen year olds have concertina files like that. Then I realised it really didn't matter what anyone else was doing as long as my life was in order. I recycled a lot of paper yesterday. I love refining refining my STUFF and trying to simplify my belongings and papers. I like to do things that make sense. It makes sense to pay my own fees/part scholarship next year in order to free up maybe one more year of borrowing when I do post-grad or whatever. That would be smart. Instead of wasting my money on living.. cough.. entertaining/stuff..

I like my concertina file folder thing.

When I had my 'meeting' with Jackie, she said something interesting. 'Sonya, face it, you will be studying the rest of your life." I liked my self being analysed for an hour. It doesn't happen very often from expert people in pysch and stuff so I enjoyed it very much. And she said I had to accept this. Accept that God made me to think. To crave learning and knowledge. And she said I would go mad if I got married had kids and had zilch intellectual stimulation day to day. And I nodded. For everything Jackie told me I kind of knew. I just have to accept it and work hard. She said a lot of interesting things: "Sonya, you will not maintain the academic buzz if you do not have healthy rhythms." No essays at 2am. I need to learn the concept of workday.

Interesting, interesting. At night I  cover my bookshelf with a blanket. I have to turn off my mind. I love that 'social ecology' stuff. How environment affects us. My bedroom, when tidy, ordered, simple, helps me be calm and sleep well. To turn my brain off.

$3,742.33.  Definitely small compared to almost everyone I know, but its not about everyone else, eh. I could say: 'Don't worry Sonya, your loan is small, you can be frivolous here and there." But of course it is not about them. I should keep my loan small 'cause that is a wise thing to do. There's a good quote in proverbs: the borrower is servant to the lender (Proverbs 22:7) and of course I do not want to be enslaved in debt to anyone. I'm actually studying a bit about wisdom at the moment. Wisdom interests me. I want to be wise and to make good choices.

Today, I got my essay back. I got 28/30 which is A+. Yes, the essay was a couple of weeks late. This was because of the craziness that was the month away where I had basically had no access to computer/time to myself so it was actually impossible, among other random personal stuff. So Mick didn't mind my essay being late. A classmate expressed (justified) frustration that I did not lose marks for my lateness, when they had worked hard to make deadline. 

This reminded me of a lesson I learned at high school. I would also get frustrated when I worked hard to make deadline, got an Excellence, and other students who handed stuff in weeks late would get an Excellence also (which was against NZQA rules). But then I remember realising that it wasn't about them. Whether they got unfair grades really was not my problem. The fact that I did make deadlines meant I was learning and executing time management skills, and it was good for my character. Now we have left school do I still care that other people got the same grades with different rules? No. Some of those people are not doing so well now they must always make deadlines at university. 

It is not a competition against other people; (I am not really a competitive person, so this is easy for me to say) it is ensuring I do work to the best of my ability, that I am capable of. Long term, the question I should ask myself is: What am I doing with what I have been given? How am I utilising time, money, resources, my skills, talents, education to the ultimate purpose, and not being foolish or frivolous?

And God will ask me, surely, at the end of my life, What did you do with what was in your hands?

'Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.' (Luke 16:10a)